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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28381407">Dear Myself</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/taegyusoulmates/pseuds/taegyusoulmates'>taegyusoulmates</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, Amnesia, Angst, Car Accidents, Fluff, Happy Ending, Head Injury, Kang Taehyun-Centric, Love Confessions, M/M, Mentioned Min Yoongi | Suga, Pain, based on a manga, kind of, seokjin is there too find him lmao, sorta?</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-11 00:54:22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,468</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28381407</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/taegyusoulmates/pseuds/taegyusoulmates</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>What is stronger? The heart that loves or the mind that remembers?</p><p>or</p><p>Due to a very unfortunate incident, Taehyun is broken beyond repair whilst Beomgyu tries to hold on.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Choi Beomgyu/Kang Taehyun</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>_1taegyu1_</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Dear Myself</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Okay so I uploaded this yesterday but decided to delete it again so I can edit it. Disclaimer, this plot is very similar to a manga that I've read where the main character gets involved in an accident and starts to lose his memories. I thought it was a good plot for taegyu cause taegyuists love suffering.</p><p>I haven't been writing for like... MONTHS so... yeah hello i'm back.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>
    <em>October 23, 2020</em>
  </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I never thought this would happen. After all, at first, he rejected me, so strongly that it broke my heart. I like Beomgyu so much so I told him to give me a chance. I begged… and begged… and begged once again until he agreed.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>That was a month ago.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Tonight, Beomgyu called me, saying he wanted to say something. I was so scared that he would reject me again and thought, ‘If he rejects me once more, I’m gonna give up. I can’t force him to like someone he doesn’t even favor.’</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But as I saw Beomgyu waiting for me, my heart sparked with hope. His rosy cheeks were illuminated by the moonlight and his beautiful features shone under the starry night sky. He looked… nervous.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He turned to me but didn’t look at me straight in the eye. He was stuttering and tried to work out words that I didn’t think he’d ever say.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I like you. Go on a date with me.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Finally, he accepted me. I broke out into a big grin and ran up to him, giving him a loving embrace. I felt my shoulder getting wet before realizing that Beomgyu was shaking and crying. “Hey, why are you crying?” I asked him and wiped his tears with my thumb.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I’m sorry for rejecting you.” He sobbed. “It’s just, I liked you back then but I wasn’t aware of it and now all I can say is thank you for not giving up on me.” He broke down and pulled me into a tight hug once again. I returned the affection and hugged him as well.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Don’t worry, Gyu. As long as you don’t give up on me, I will never give up on you.”</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <strong>
    <em>October 24, 2020</em>
  </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>The next day, Beomgyu and I came out to our friends. Yeonjun was greatly overjoyed, sobbing on the floor when he found out that we were dating while Soobin and Kai hugged us both. We also took the time to tell our family, both sides being equally happy for us. His brother, Yoongi, even gave him a big slap in the back saying that it was about time he got his shit together.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Sorry about that.” Beomgyu chuckled shyly as we walked out of his house, his family seeing us off.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Well, it was about time that you got your shit together, dumbass.” I said, teasing him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I was worth the wait, wasn’t I?” Beomgyu retorts back at him. He rolled his eyes and snorts.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You are. I guess.” Taehyun smirks, walking at a faster pace.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Rude?!”</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <strong>
    <em>November 6, 2020</em>
  </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Taking the keys of my car, I hummed excitedly as I started the car and drove to our meeting place. I’m going out with Beomgyu today again. It’s just been days since we started going out and I am undeniably happy and loved. I’ve adored him ever since I met him on college and now that I finally have him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Turning on the radio as I listened to ‘Fly! High!’ by Burnout Syndromes, I began to sing happily.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>My phone rings with a message notification. I waited for the traffic lights to turn red before checking the message.</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>‘I’m at the meeting place! ^3^’ –Beomgyu</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em>I smiled and put the phone down after giving him a reply. I saw the light turned green and immediately hit the gas, wanting to go to my boyfriend as soon as I can.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Overtaken by happiness, I didn’t even realize the honking of an incoming car. The next time I felt was an impact of another car colliding onto mine.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It hurts.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A lot.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>My consciousness started to fade away as my vision was covered with the red liquid that dripped from my head.</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <strong>
    <em>November 10, 2020</em>
  </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Awoken by a warm presence beside me, my eyes fluttered open, eyes landing on the sleeping figure beside me. My head hurts and my memories were a bit hazy. Thankfully, my mind seemed to be in a completely normal state.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Beomgyu?” I uttered softly and his eyes snapped open almost immediately.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Hyun? Are you okay? Are you hurting anywhere? How do you feel? Are your wounds okay? Do you remember anything? Love, if there’s anything I can do to help, just tell me, please.” He frantically asks, making me chuckle.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“My head just hurts but I’m fine.” I smiled and plants a quick peck on my boyfriend’s lips. “You should probably tell the doctors that I’m awake.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Oh, right!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Moments later, Beomgyu was told to stay outside as they ran tests to determine if I was suffering from any aftermaths. Personally, I don’t think there was anything wrong, maybe I was lucky enough to come out with just wounds and scratches.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Or so I thought.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Mr. Kang, you suffered from a major brain trauma during the accident. I take it that your memories are a bit jumbled, yes?” I nodded in response. “We ran a couple of tests, just in case you are suffering from anything and…” The doctor trails off, almost as if he didn’t want to utter the words that he has to say.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Dr. Kim, please get straight to the point. I can take it.” I said bravely even though I felt nervous to hear the results.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Mr. Kang, I’m afraid that we found a tumor in your brain, most possibly caused by the impact from the accident.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>My gut twisted in the wrong way and I felt like vomiting.</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“Also, I would suggest taking notes on everything you do from now on because there’s a possibility that as the tumor grows, your most recent memories will start fading away.”</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em>My eyes widened. “B-but we can fix that, right? The tumor is still removable with surgery?!” I yelled in hopes of getting a positive answer only to feel more scared as the doctor’s face twisted in a pained grimacing expression.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“We can get the tumor removed but it cannot fix the damaged part of your brain which means your memories will continue to fade. I’m very sorry, Mr. Kang.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>My entire body shook in horror. Walking back to my hospital room like a corpse, I took a notebook that I asked the nurse to give me and began writing everything starting from when I confessed to Beomgyu.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Tears fell from my eyes, alerting Beomgyu who just came back from the convenience store to buy food. “Love, are you okay?! Is anything wrong?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I stared blankly at him and with every bit of courage I can muster, I said, “Yeah. I’m fine.”</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <strong>
    <em>November <strike>10</strike> 11, 2020, Around 8 AM (???)</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em>I woke up, gripping my head in pain. ‘Where am I?’ My eyes scanned the room. ‘Is this a hospital?’</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I flinched as the door opened, revealing Beomgyu and Yeonjun who probably came to visit me. “Hey.” I greeted them. Beomgyu smiled widely and gave me a hug, causing my heart to beat faster.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>‘Why is he hugging me and why am I in the hospital in the first place?’ My thoughts began to wander. It must’ve weirded out my two friends, Beomgyu pats my shoulder, trying to get my attention.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Hey, love, are you okay? You seem out of it.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I choked on thin air. ‘Love?’</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Dude, what’s up with you? You were normal yesterday until you had that test run.” Yeonjun raised an eyebrow. “And besides, Beomgyu is your boyfriend, right? Why are you shocked with a simple callsign?” My eyes widened at Yeonjun’s words.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Huh?” I tilted my head. “I… don’t have a boyfriend.” I said honestly causing Beomgyu and Yeonjun to visibly freeze.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“What?” Beomgyu asked in horror, voice obviously wavering. My head started aching immediately after. I could hear Yeonjun screaming for the nurse for help while Beomgyu rushed to my side in an instant.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>‘Boyfriend? Beomgyu doesn’t even like me back. Why would we be dating? And if we were dating, I would remember it… right?’ My thoughts were going haywire, causing for my head ache to worsen.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Beomgyu was asked to leave the room as the doctor and nurses came inside the room. The doctor asked me how I was feeling and I told him everything. After I finished, he sighed as if he somewhat saw it coming. “Nurse Lim, did he give you anything last night? You were the one assigned to him after all.” The nurse nodded and took out a notebook. The doctor took it from the nurse’s hand and gave it to me. He explained that I was suffering from a brain tumor and that they already informed my parents about it. He also said that I told him to keep it a secret from his friends and told me to read everything that I probably wrote last night.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I just sat there, confused and bewildered. I opened the notebook and started from the beginning.</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Same Day, Around 10 AM</em>
  </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>The next thing I did was call Kai. Out of everyone else, Huening Kai is probably my closest friend. I told him everything from the car crash and the memory loss, most of my words came from the journal I wrote as I still cannot remember anything.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Tears started falling from my eyes soon after hearing muffled sobs from the other end of the line. We cried in agony and sadness, led by me who can do nothing but cry.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>After the phone call, I quickly composed myself and took a deep breath. ‘Beomgyu is my boyfriend, we’re dating and he likes me back. Get yourself together, Kang Taehyun.’</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The door opened, revealing a worried-looking Beomgyu. I feel guilty for forgetting that we were dating. I love him. I love him so much. I don’t want to forget him. I don’t want to forget anything.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Hey, Hyun… are you okay?” He cautiously asks.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Taking a deep breath in order to stop tears from forming, I formed the fakest smile I ever made in my life for as long as I can remember and said, “Yeah. I’m fine.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I’m not.</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <strong>
    <em>November 18, 2020</em>
  </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>It became a daily routine, waking up, forgetting a part of my memories and reading the journal. I did it so often and before I even knew it, my hand began reaching for the journal, first thing in the morning. It continued even after I was discharged, acting as if everything was fine even though it wasn’t.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Suddenly, spending time with Beomgyu became painful… and scary.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I was told to come back to the hospital after two weeks for the surgery which would mean I have to stop lying to everyone. I have to tell them. That’s what Huening Kai told me as well, that if I keep this up, all I’m doing is hurting myself and everyone around me, most specifically, Beomgyu.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I want to tell him but I can’t. Before I can even utter my words, my head starts to go blank and I would back out in fear. Beomgyu, on the other hand, would just smile at me and reassures me that he’s ready to wait until I’m ready to tell him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And that he loves me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>For some reason, hearing those words from Beomgyu made me want to throw up.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Not in disgust, no. I wanted to throw up because of guilt. I need to tell him. He deserves to know. He doesn’t need to stay with me when all I’ll ever be in the future is a human with broken memories.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I couldn’t say that I love him back.</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <strong>
    <em>November 25, 2020</em>
  </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Another week passes, there are only two days left until the surgery, and I’m filled with an empty void in my chest. Guilt, emptiness, sadness and anger. Mixed emotions began beating myself up mentally. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I need to stop this lie.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Beomgyu comes over as usual, as far as I can remember, but his atmosphere was different from before. A much sadder and more serious aura enveloped him. “Hey, Taehyun. Can we… talk?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I gulped in nervousness and nodded. We sat awkwardly on the couch with a distance that is very unusual for two people who are dating.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I found a notebook titled ‘Dear Myself’ on your desk last night. I didn’t read it but I’m sure I saw it on the hospital as well.” He started. I lowered my gaze and let out a breathy sigh. “There’s something that you kept on telling me these past few days… and I feel like it’s related and I feel really scared because I have a hunch on what is happening.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>My eyes watered and I let out a laugh, catching Beomgyu’s attention.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Hey, let’s break up.” Was all I could say. Beomgyu stood up in protest.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“What the hell?!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You see, I’m… losing my memories.” I started causing Beomgyu’s eyes to widen. “I even forgot that we were dating. I even forgot that I forgot that we were dating. Hell, I even forgot how old I am and luckily, Kai was filling me with things that I forget, constantly reminding me to read the journal.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I turned to Beomgyu, instantly struck with pain as I saw tears fall from his eyes. I cleared my throat and repeated, “Let’s break up.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“No!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Why? What’s the point of continuing? I’ll just forget everything and you will just be in pain.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“But you’re getting surgery, r– “</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“The doctor said even if I get surgery, my memories will still continue to fade!” I angrily yelled. “Why are you so persistent?! There’s no hope left for us! Soon enough, I will even forget that I loved you and you’ll be in so much pain! I don’t want that! You should move on, find someone new! Someone who will remember you! Someone who will never forget that they love you! Beomgyu, don’t you understand?! You’re just going to get h– “</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The words from my mouth ceased as he shuts me up with his lips. I could taste the salty tears rolling from his eyes and without even realizing it, I was already sobbing.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Don’t give up on us, Taehyun… Please…” He sobs.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Don’t say that as if it’s easy! Don’t you know how difficult it was, waking up and reading the journal just to remind me of anything? Every morning… I open my eyes, read the journal and cry in relief because ‘Oh, good. I still remember you. I still remember how we met, how I fell for you. I was so relieved because… I’m still in love with you.” I cried, voice breaking on the last part.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Beomgyu pulled me to a tight embrace as he murmured into my neck, “Tell me! Tell me everything that you remember!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I’ll forget them anyways! There’s nothing we can do!” I cried louder.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Stop saying that! Tell me! I’ll remember everything for you!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“If I say it, you’ll be cursed! You won’t be able to let go and you’ll stay miserable forever!” I cried as I started to lose strength. “I don’t want you to be cursed and hold on to someone broken like me…”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“A curse? Since when did my love for you become a curse?!” Beomgyu angrily shouted. “If it’s a curse, then curse me! Curse me forever! In fact, I’ve already been cursed for a long time so tell me everything!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I won’t even remember that I love you! I won’t be able to hold on to you! I can’t let you suffer like that!” Beomgyu hugs me tightly, giving me a familiar warmth. A familiar warmth that I know, even if I lose my memories, I would still long to feel.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Just tell me. I will remember everything for you. I will never leave you.” He whispers with a pained tone.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I don’t want to let him go. I want to be selfish and make him hold on to me forever. I want him to be cursed with his love and I want him to stay cursed forever.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I… don’t want you to forget me. Don’t forget me. Remember me forever. Love me forever. Hold on to me. Don’t give up on me.” I mindlessly uttered, losing my mind completely.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He sniffles and lets out a chuckle. “Stupid, I’ll never forget that.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I… have to remember everything. I don’t want to forget you. I want to remember you forever. Hold on to you. I want to keep loving you!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Beomgyu took me to my bedroom to cuddle as we cried in each other’s arms until we fell asleep. I don’t want to forget about you, I don’t want you let you go. I love you, Beomgyu.</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <strong>
    <em>November 30, 2020</em>
  </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Dear Myself,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>After the surgery, the doctor said that I’ll lose more of my memories so if you read this after the surgery and forget that you knew someone like Beomgyu, just remember that the heart that loves is stronger than the mind that remembers. Everything will start over from here.</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <strong>December 1, 2020 [Present Time]</strong>
</p><p>“That’s so stupid. How can you love someone that you can’t even remember?” Taehyun chuckles as he closes the notebook that the nurse gave him. “I don’t even remember turning college, how the heck am I already working now?”</p><p>Taehyun shakes his head and calls Huening Kai to tell him that the surgery was successful. His friend asks him how much he remembers and told him that he remembers meeting Huening Kai on high school but the rest of his memories are hazy and missing. “I also read the journal that I wrote.”</p><p><em>“Oh…” </em>There was silence from the other side of the line. <em>“So… uhm… do you remember, Beomgyu?”</em></p><p>Taehyun blinks at the question. <em>‘Ah, the guy on the journal.’</em></p><p>“I don’t.” He curtly responds. “This ‘Beomgyu’ guy is my boyfriend and someone I met on college, correct?”</p><p><em>“Oh, yeah.”</em> Kai sadly responds. <em>“We expected this to happen, oh god, but I still don’t know how to break the news to him.”</em></p><p>Taehyun just hummed in response. He honestly didn’t know how to feel knowing that he has a boyfriend that he’s supposed to care for and remember. That Beomgyu guy is just a stranger to him, right now, and there’s no doubt that Kai will do his best to get them together which unnerves him a little bit.</p><p>
  <em>“What about Yeonjun and Soobin? Do you at least know them?”</em>
</p><p>Taehyun’s eyebrows furrows at the mention of more unfamiliar names. “No.”</p><p>He hears Huening Kai sigh. They talked for two more minutes before Taehyung hung up due to the nurses calling him for test runs.</p><p>After a long day in the hospital, Taehyun went back to his room and before he even noticed, his hand moved to grip the notebook on his bedside.</p><p>“Well, I guess there’s no harm in reading it one more time.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Two more days and Taehyun was already discharged. He was also allowed to go back to work, with the help of Kai. He was very thankful to his friend, showing him the ropes again and again because he would still forget some things because of the damage to his brain.</p><p>He walks to the lounge of his work place and sees a guy similar to his height, face adorned with perfect features. It was like a character straight up out from a shoujo manga. The guy notices him and freezes, beautiful facial features focusing on his own.</p><p>
  <em>‘Just remember that the heart that loves is stronger than the mind that remembers.’</em>
</p><p>He knows this person. Taehyun’s heart rate sped up and his face felt hot. He doesn’t know how to explain what he’s feeling. It’s like this pretty guy suddenly gripped his heart and started squeezing tightly. It was painful yet he felt so happy.</p><p>“You…” Taehyun starts, making the guy in front of him to gulp in nervousness. “You’re Beomgyu… aren’t you?” The guy’s eyes widened in disbelief.</p><p>
  <em>‘So foolish of me to even doubt my own words. Why did I even question myself?’</em>
</p><p>Taehyun steps closer to the guy and offers him a handshake. “I’m Kang Taehyun and someone told me that my heart will remember about the things that my mind can easily forget.” He inhales for more confidence. “So, if you’re willing to… If you really did hold on…just like what my old self said… then, will you mind if we start over again?”</p><p>The guy’s eyes watered, letting out a small relieved smile. He gripped Taehyun’s hand and nodded. “Of course.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>‘No matter how many times they disappear, no matter how many times I forget, it doesn’t matter. We’ll just have to start over again. Just like how the moon never truly disappears during the day, my feelings for you will never disappear. I’m sure, no matter how many times we have to restart, I’ll love you again.’</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Over and over again, we’ll keep falling in love.</em>
  </strong>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>- Yes the whole italic part of the fic is Taehyun reading his journal.<br/>- It still not concrete that head trauma can cause tumor but some researchers say that it does.<br/>- if it's not clear as to why Taehyun considers him telling Beomgyu about what he remembers a 'curse', it is because if he told Beomgyu, it would come out as a silent prayer for Beomgyu to hold on to him and he's scared that if Beomgyu does and Taehyun forgets about his feelings for Beomgyu, Beom will be cursed with eternal sadness and misery.<br/>- Taehyun and Huening Kai met during their 1st year in high school and they met the rest on college.<br/>- after the surgery, Taehyun's memories from his 3rd year high school is gone.<br/>- and yes, Taehyun still loses his memories even after the memory but it's less worse compared to when he still had the tumor in his brain.<br/>- the last line is inspired by the original version of "dear myself"</p><p>if you have other questions, you can ask me! i hope you enjoyed it!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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